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Thursday, September 10, 2020

Black Self Love

Often times when we speak of "Black" Self Love or "Black" knowledge of self, we are thinking of ourselves in relationship to "Black" people collectively and not as individuals.

Ways that we'd like to behave as individuals are discouraged by the Racists (White Supremacists) because such ways do not fit into the highly promoted deceptive image of what is collectively called "Black". Any one "Black" person who contributes to the world and/or stands out as an individual is said to have done so out of being a "genius" and a "credit to "Black' people.

And huge numbers of individuals among us attempt to ride off that credit by shouting out some historical facts about what one or more other "Black" individuals have done as if they did it too.

"We built the pyramids"

If you were a "Black" youth growing up in the seventies you will remember when "White" people were saying and expecting all  "Black" people to be great at sex, have rhythm, and play sports extremely well. Back then it was considered a stereotype. Today, I hear lots of "Black" people embracing and promoting these stereotypes as though they are facts!

Well at four years old, I didn't want to be apart of those stereotypes because of what I heard my dad and his "revolutionary"friends talking about what "the man" aka "charlie" expected us to do. I wanted to be the opposite. Except the sex part. I witnessed sexual intercourse at an early age and so did the other "Black" children I knew. The 1970's was considered the sexual revolution for "White" people and it was going on everywhere in the Bay Area. Google Haight Ashberry and Berkeley CA.

When my "Black" friends (especially the females) wanted to dance to love songs, I refused to do it. Dancing just was not fun to me. I remember doing the bump one time with my mom and dad because it was fun. But the other stuff? forget about it! I did used to grab a pencil and stand up on the table and sing "Let's Get It On". I just stood there though.

When my friends wanted to play sports, I refused to play sports because THAT's what all of the "Black"males were expected to do. I would rather watch TV, and act out what I saw them doing on TV.

That made me lose friends quickly because those things were boring to them. By the time I started feeling lonely and wanted friends it was too late. I had no coordination for sports and no rhythm to dance. I was a nerd. Sometimes I played with other "Black" kids who were nerds but their parents (like mine) saw the importance of knowledge and they stayed far away in other parts of the bay. Recognizing the importance of knowledge is essentially what a nerd is.

Today huge numbers of us use those stereotypes to make ourselves "FEEL good" when we talk about it. Many of us love to blow smoke up our own asses, instead of facing the reality, so that we can change that reality. The victims who don't want to be known for or seen as someone who values knowledge in the areas of Economics, Education, Labor, Law, Politics, and War, lack the confidence it takes to solve problems in these areas because they've been indirectly discouraged from those areas but have plenty of knowledge in the areas of Entertainment and Sex.

Sports, dancing, and providing sexual pleasure were traits inherited while being victims of white supremacy. The Racists (White Supremacists) are the spectators. They are displeased when huge numbers of us start thinking with logic.

While so-called "White" people and "Yellow" people boast about (using their minds) getting straight A's in S.T.E.M. courses.

Huge numbers of "Black" people boast about (using their bodies) their own egos with FEEL good words.

"Black" males say "Yeah, 'White' people and 'Asians' (whatever that means) have pencil d**ks compared to us!"

"White" people have no rhythm. They can't dance like we do."

"White" people can't outdo us in sports."

TRUTH: Not all "Black" males have large penises and it's time we stopped promoting that Racist (White Supremacist) lie. I've been told that I have a medium sized penis. I was also told that it's how I move it during sexual intercourse that makes the difference. Not size. More on that in another post.

TRUTH: The logic dictates that the main purpose of sexual intercourse is reproduction. Sexual pleasure comes (oops, pun?) second. So if size matters, it's a matter of opinion.

There's others.

"Black" people are poor.

"Black" people are ignorant.

"Black" people are lazy.

"Black" people are criminals.

"Black" people are rapists

"Black" people are killers

"Black" people are (whatever you don't like about people).

And it's all the "Black" male's fault.

They all center around being "Black".

Anyway, the first time I realized that being "Black" was a problem for some "White" people came when I moved to a "White" neighborhood in Richmond, CA. It was 1973. The "White" kids who stayed across the street from me were the only boys on my block. And they are brothers.

One of them (Josh) was 25 days younger than me (that meant a lot to me at five years old). I felt that made me older than him and thus more confident than him. That confidence kept Josh from controlling me. He tried to be the "Alpha" male with me once and got his ass whooped.

We played together happily for years.

Me, Josh, and Aaron 1978 or 79

Until one day, Josh and Aaron asked me if I knew WHY I was "Black" (we were six or seven years old). It was something that didn't cross my mind before (and it was the first time that I remember being mistreated by a "White" person on the basis of my skin color).

Me: "No, I don't know why, do you? (in a smart alicky way)"

Josh: "You're Black because you are cursed."

Aaron: "Yeah"

Me: "No, I am not."

Josh: "Yes, you are, it's in the bible. ( I believed everything in the bible to be true and anyone who said anything was in the bible without challenge at the time)" Plus I had believed that Josh and Aaron were God's chosen people, so who would know better than them?

Me: (speechless)

Josh: "See (grabbing my hand) look at the inside of your hand. See how its White like our skin?"

Me: "Yeah"

Josh: "That's because your people used to be White like us, but God cursed you, and his curse made you Black."

Me: (Still speechless and ready to cry). I felt real small and much younger than Josh from that day on. I guess I went to a "sunken place". (See the movie "Get Out".) My confidence was low whenever I was around him until the day my dad whooped his dad's ass in their living room. (I wrote a script about it and will make a short movie about that one).

I did not want to be cursed (which meant "Black") and I wondered why Jesus (my thoughts then, not now!) cursed me when I had done nothing to him but love him. My mama made me pray to Jesus every night and my babysitter, Mama Harris, taught me to love Jesus.

Mama Harris had me stand up in front of her church every Sunday and read speeches that she would have me rehearse in front of the mirror at her house throughout the week until Sunday.

It was like all of a sudden now I understood why our house had been burglarized by "Black" people. When we stayed in Oakland, I remembered being abused by a "Black" female who whooped me for over filling my diapers with doodoo. I had left a trail of it on the floor because it had rolled down my my pants leg. She made me pick it up, then beat me. I was three years old. She left bruises all over my body.

I also remember her forcing another "Black" child to eat a whole can of Libby peaches and that child vomited them all over the table. It was a terrifying place for a three year old.

Just like most "Black" people, my folks decided to handle the matter themselves.

Taking me back there and saying "Point her out to us."

I did.

There was hollering and screaming. My folks changed day cares.

Come to find out, my mom was paying "Mahdear" to take care of me and she had her teen-aged daughter doing it instead. My folks just changed day cares. My soul had already been injured, there was no way to heal that.

So when Josh said "Black" people were cursed, all of the terrible things that happened to me before and after him, I attributed it to being cursed. I also attributed the results of White Supremacy before I knew the terms Racism and White Supremacy to "Black" people being cursed.

Mama Harris and her husband Rev. Harris ran a church and a daycare at 2223 Ninth st in Berkeley, California. First Baptist Church. They came from "Arkansas", which was in "The Bible Belt".

She would say "Kemp is a special boy, he's going to be like Dr. King someday!"

Mama Harris had three pictures on her wall. Jesus, J.F.K., and M.L.K.jr

This particular Sunday I was not feeling Jesus and while I was reciting my speech to the congregation, I looked around at the stained glass windows and then up above the door was the familiar picture of Jesus sitting at the last supper. For the first time I noticed that he was "White"and I remembered hearing once being told that "God was many colors". I was confused. Totally confused.


Those of us who can dance and play sports well, do so because of practice. They started off as children dancing and sporting over and over again. This gave them confidence in this area of people activity known as entertainment. So huge numbers of "Black" people are told this is what "Black" people do well naturally and those who believe it make it appear to be true.

But if you are a "Black" person and it's not true for you what do you do?

When I fell for the bullshit (in my teen-aged years) and decided I wanted to attract females. A soon as I found out they still liked dancing and athletes. I tried to be that way.

When I wanted friends and decided to dance to impress them and was laughed at by "Non-white" and "White" people did I FEEL inadequate?

Or somehow less "Blacker"?

Hell yes I did.

It was ditto for me and sports.


Please understand that your racial classification aka "Blackness" does not define you! You are a one of a kind soul. There was never anyone in this universe like you and there will never be anyone like you after your dead! If you can't SEE that, then you are blind. Blinded by the fog of deception that the system of Racism (White Supremacy) has you lost in. The deception lies in the words that they gave us to think with! WE THINK with THEIR words and apply THEIR definitions to THEIR words.

If you define yourself with THEIR words and THEY THINK less of you, what makes YOU THINK that using THEIR words and THEIR definitions will make you better?

The only way to eliminate deception is to use truth.

The Racist Deception is that THEY are "White" and that YOU are "Black". They took two real colors that represent the positive and negative sides of the same energy (aka "Ashe" aka "Chi" aka "Ki") and pulled the double whammy on us by applying the positive color to themselves and the negative color to us. Then they taught us that "negative" means "evil" and that positive means "good".

"Naw, SYN-Q, the truth is that black means positive and white means negative."

It does not matter which one you make positive and which one you make negative as long as you recognize they are different and their purpose.

Positive and negative cannot exist without each other. Following the logic will tell you this.

Sometimes you wear black to absorb energy and other times you wear white to deflect it.

In truth it depends on what you are trying to do when you manipulate energy with these colors to solve your problems.

"Aw, SYN-Q, here you go with that 'I aint Black shit'" yeah well YOU'RE NOT!

I am talking about the actual colors of black and white. Not skin colors.

Some of you are going to call me a "sell out", a "coon", an "Uncle Tom"for telling you that you are not actually "Black".

But I challenge you to take the REAL BLACK test and if you can prove to me that your skin is actually "Black" I will give you $1000.00. We have to meet face to face and you must be willing to take the test on camera. You skin must blend in with the black cloth and/or ribbon that I will lay on your skin in a very well lit setting.

Never the less as long as the Racists (White Supremacists) place a value on being "White" and a limited value on being "Non-white", YOU will be classified as "Black". It's that those who choose to mistreat us look at us and get a tremendous EGO boost out of mistreating us because they can. Dishing out the mistreatment is the privilege of being classified as "White".


I cannot begin to tell you how much of a "save the world" mentality I have right now.And the high stress level it puts me in.  It's as though I keep thinking that I am here to save the world but this world does not want to be saved. I keep wanting to be a savior to the world but to "Black" people first.

I am talking to you about some of the impediments to having a true love for self. Love for the real you. The you that you are when nobody else is around. The YOU that you are if you never saw yourself in a mirror and nobody told YOU, YOU were "Black" You. Your soul aka essence aka "life" force. That energy that pumps blood from your heart throughout your body YOU.

If you have not met this real YOU yet. Here's how you do it. Find someplace where you can be all alone and strip naked. Sit down and listen to your own thoughts for 15 min.



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