Black Self Love

Often times when we speak of "Black" Self Love or "Black" knowledge of self, we are thinking of ourselves in relationship to "Black" people collectively and not as individuals.

Ways that we'd like to behave as individuals are discouraged by the Racists (White Supremacists) because such ways do not fit into the highly promoted deceptive image of what is collectively called "Black". Any one "Black" person who contributes to the world and/or stands out as an individual is said to have done so out of being a "genius" and a "credit to "Black' people.

And huge numbers of individuals among us attempt to ride off that credit by shouting out some historical facts about what one or more other "Black" individuals have done as if they did it too.

"We built the pyramids"

If you were a "Black" youth growing up in the seventies you will remember when "White" people were saying and expecting all  "Black" people to be great at sex, have rhythm, and play sports extremely well. Back then it was considered a stereotype. Today, I hear lots of "Black" people embracing and promoting these stereotypes as though they are facts!

Well at four years old, I didn't want to be apart of those stereotypes because of what I heard my dad and his "revolutionary"friends talking about what "the man" aka "charlie" expected us to do. I wanted to be the opposite. Except the sex part. I witnessed sexual intercourse at an early age and so did the other "Black" children I knew. The 1970's was considered the sexual revolution for "White" people and it was going on everywhere in the Bay Area. Google Haight Ashberry and Berkeley CA.

When my "Black" friends (especially the females) wanted to dance to love songs, I refused to do it. Dancing just was not fun to me. I remember doing the bump one time with my mom and dad because it was fun. But the other stuff? forget about it! I did used to grab a pencil and stand up on the table and sing "Let's Get It On". I just stood there though.

When my friends wanted to play sports, I refused to play sports because THAT's what all of the "Black"males were expected to do. I would rather watch TV, and act out what I saw them doing on TV.

That made me lose friends quickly because those things were boring to them. By the time I started feeling lonely and wanted friends it was too late. I had no coordination for sports and no rhythm to dance. I was a nerd. Sometimes I played with other "Black" kids who were nerds but their parents (like mine) saw the importance of knowledge and they stayed far away in other parts of the bay. Recognizing the importance of knowledge is essentially what a nerd is.

Today huge numbers of us use those stereotypes to make ourselves "FEEL good" when we talk about it. Many of us love to blow smoke up our own asses, instead of facing the reality, so that we can change that reality. The victims who don't want to be known for or seen as someone who values knowledge in the areas of Economics, Education, Labor, Law, Politics, and War, lack the confidence it takes to solve problems in these areas because they've been indirectly discouraged from those areas but have plenty of knowledge in the areas of Entertainment and Sex.

Sports, dancing, and providing sexual pleasure were traits inherited while being victims of white supremacy. The Racists (White Supremacists) are the spectators. They are displeased when huge numbers of us start thinking with logic.

While so-called "White" people and "Yellow" people boast about (using their minds) getting straight A's in S.T.E.M. courses.

Huge numbers of "Black" people boast about (using their bodies) their own egos with FEEL good words.

"Black" males say "Yeah, 'White' people and 'Asians' (whatever that means) have pencil d**ks compared to us!"

"White" people have no rhythm. They can't dance like we do."

"White" people can't outdo us in sports."

TRUTH: Not all "Black" males have large penises and it's time we stopped promoting that Racist (White Supremacist) lie. I've been told that I have a medium sized penis. I was also told that it's how I move it during sexual intercourse that makes the difference. Not size. More on that in another post.

TRUTH: The logic dictates that the main purpose of sexual intercourse is reproduction. Sexual pleasure comes (oops, pun?) second. So if size matters, it's a matter of opinion.

There's others.

"Black" people are poor.

"Black" people are ignorant.

"Black" people are lazy.

"Black" people are criminals.

"Black" people are rapists

"Black" people are killers

"Black" people are (whatever you don't like about people).

And it's all the "Black" male's fault.

They all center around being "Black".

Anyway, the first time I realized that being "Black" was a problem for some "White" people came when I moved to a "White" neighborhood in Richmond, CA. It was 1973. The "White" kids who stayed across the street from me were the only boys on my block. And they are brothers.

One of them (Josh) was 25 days younger than me (that meant a lot to me at five years old). I felt that made me older than him and thus more confident than him. That confidence kept Josh from controlling me. He tried to be the "Alpha" male with me once and got his ass whooped.

We played together happily for years.

Me, Josh, and Aaron 1978 or 79

Until one day, Josh and Aaron asked me if I knew WHY I was "Black" (we were six or seven years old). It was something that didn't cross my mind before (and it was the first time that I remember being mistreated by a "White" person on the basis of my skin color).

Me: "No, I don't know why, do you? (in a smart alicky way)"

Josh: "You're Black because you are cursed."

Aaron: "Yeah"

Me: "No, I am not."

Josh: "Yes, you are, it's in the bible. ( I believed everything in the bible to be true and anyone who said anything was in the bible without challenge at the time)" Plus I had believed that Josh and Aaron were God's chosen people, so who would know better than them?

Me: (speechless)

Josh: "See (grabbing my hand) look at the inside of your hand. See how its White like our skin?"

Me: "Yeah"

Josh: "That's because your people used to be White like us, but God cursed you, and his curse made you Black."

Me: (Still speechless and ready to cry). I felt real small and much younger than Josh from that day on. I guess I went to a "sunken place". (See the movie "Get Out".) My confidence was low whenever I was around him until the day my dad whooped his dad's ass in their living room. (I wrote a script about it and will make a short movie about that one).

I did not want to be cursed (which meant "Black") and I wondered why Jesus (my thoughts then, not now!) cursed me when I had done nothing to him but love him. My mama made me pray to Jesus every night and my babysitter, Mama Harris, taught me to love Jesus.

Mama Harris had me stand up in front of her church every Sunday and read speeches that she would have me rehearse in front of the mirror at her house throughout the week until Sunday.

It was like all of a sudden now I understood why our house had been burglarized by "Black" people. When we stayed in Oakland, I remembered being abused by a "Black" female who whooped me for over filling my diapers with doodoo. I had left a trail of it on the floor because it had rolled down my my pants leg. She made me pick it up, then beat me. I was three years old. She left bruises all over my body.

I also remember her forcing another "Black" child to eat a whole can of Libby peaches and that child vomited them all over the table. It was a terrifying place for a three year old.

Just like most "Black" people, my folks decided to handle the matter themselves.

Taking me back there and saying "Point her out to us."

I did.

There was hollering and screaming. My folks changed day cares.

Come to find out, my mom was paying "Mahdear" to take care of me and she had her teen-aged daughter doing it instead. My folks just changed day cares. My soul had already been injured, there was no way to heal that.

So when Josh said "Black" people were cursed, all of the terrible things that happened to me before and after him, I attributed it to being cursed. I also attributed the results of White Supremacy before I knew the terms Racism and White Supremacy to "Black" people being cursed.

Mama Harris and her husband Rev. Harris ran a church and a daycare at 2223 Ninth st in Berkeley, California. First Baptist Church. They came from "Arkansas", which was in "The Bible Belt".

She would say "Kemp is a special boy, he's going to be like Dr. King someday!"

Mama Harris had three pictures on her wall. Jesus, J.F.K., and M.L.K.jr

This particular Sunday I was not feeling Jesus and while I was reciting my speech to the congregation, I looked around at the stained glass windows and then up above the door was the familiar picture of Jesus sitting at the last supper. For the first time I noticed that he was "White"and I remembered hearing once being told that "God was many colors". I was confused. Totally confused.


Those of us who can dance and play sports well, do so because of practice. They started off as children dancing and sporting over and over again. This gave them confidence in this area of people activity known as entertainment. So huge numbers of "Black" people are told this is what "Black" people do well naturally and those who believe it make it appear to be true.

But if you are a "Black" person and it's not true for you what do you do?

When I fell for the bullshit (in my teen-aged years) and decided I wanted to attract females. A soon as I found out they still liked dancing and athletes. I tried to be that way.

When I wanted friends and decided to dance to impress them and was laughed at by "Non-white" and "White" people did I FEEL inadequate?

Or somehow less "Blacker"?

Hell yes I did.

It was ditto for me and sports.


Please understand that your racial classification aka "Blackness" does not define you! You are a one of a kind soul. There was never anyone in this universe like you and there will never be anyone like you after your dead! If you can't SEE that, then you are blind. Blinded by the fog of deception that the system of Racism (White Supremacy) has you lost in. The deception lies in the words that they gave us to think with! WE THINK with THEIR words and apply THEIR definitions to THEIR words.

If you define yourself with THEIR words and THEY THINK less of you, what makes YOU THINK that using THEIR words and THEIR definitions will make you better?

The only way to eliminate deception is to use truth.

The Racist Deception is that THEY are "White" and that YOU are "Black". They took two real colors that represent the positive and negative sides of the same energy (aka "Ashe" aka "Chi" aka "Ki") and pulled the double whammy on us by applying the positive color to themselves and the negative color to us. Then they taught us that "negative" means "evil" and that positive means "good".

"Naw, SYN-Q, the truth is that black means positive and white means negative."

It does not matter which one you make positive and which one you make negative as long as you recognize they are different and their purpose.

Positive and negative cannot exist without each other. Following the logic will tell you this.

Sometimes you wear black to absorb energy and other times you wear white to deflect it.

In truth it depends on what you are trying to do when you manipulate energy with these colors to solve your problems.

"Aw, SYN-Q, here you go with that 'I aint Black shit'" yeah well YOU'RE NOT!

I am talking about the actual colors of black and white. Not skin colors.

Some of you are going to call me a "sell out", a "coon", an "Uncle Tom"for telling you that you are not actually "Black".

But I challenge you to take the REAL BLACK test and if you can prove to me that your skin is actually "Black" I will give you $1000.00. We have to meet face to face and you must be willing to take the test on camera. You skin must blend in with the black cloth and/or ribbon that I will lay on your skin in a very well lit setting.

Never the less as long as the Racists (White Supremacists) place a value on being "White" and a limited value on being "Non-white", YOU will be classified as "Black". It's that those who choose to mistreat us look at us and get a tremendous EGO boost out of mistreating us because they can. Dishing out the mistreatment is the privilege of being classified as "White".


I cannot begin to tell you how much of a "save the world" mentality I have right now.And the high stress level it puts me in.  It's as though I keep thinking that I am here to save the world but this world does not want to be saved. I keep wanting to be a savior to the world but to "Black" people first.

I am talking to you about some of the impediments to having a true love for self. Love for the real you. The you that you are when nobody else is around. The YOU that you are if you never saw yourself in a mirror and nobody told YOU, YOU were "Black" You. Your soul aka essence aka "life" force. That energy that pumps blood from your heart throughout your body YOU.

If you have not met this real YOU yet. Here's how you do it. Find someplace where you can be all alone and strip naked. Sit down and listen to your own thoughts for 15 min.

The Tragedy Of The "Black" Male (written sometime back in 2015)

Many of you aren't going to like what I am saying here, because the White Supremacists have used centuries of propaganda to discredit the "Black" male and conditioned your minds to believe that anytime someone points out any incorrect behavior coming from the "Black" female towards him, that she's always justified in doing so, because he had to have done something to her to deserve it.

This is not to bring any disrespect to the "Black" female. The "Black" female is just as much a Victim Of Racism as the "Black" male, yet she has the advantage in that she is a female. The system teaches most females to be smarter than the "Black" male. The "Black" queen is the second most powerful piece on the chess board, behind the most powerful "White" queen. What makes the "White" woman and the "Black" female more powerful? Their use of words. The "White" woman is a master at using words.

Not to take away any focus on the "Black" female being mistreated on the basis of color, we must see the reality that we spend too much time trying to cater to the "Black" female and don't give any attention to the "Black" male, when it comes to how we ("Black" folks) treat each other.

I suspect that the Racists (White Supremacists) started mis-educating the "Black" male earlier, than they do the "Black" female.





I am a "Black" male and I need attention too. I'm tired of putting her first, when she does not put me first. We are supposed to put each other first. People are always talking about sexism, when it comes to the mistreatment of the "Black" female, but, never about the male. Many of you are going to say that I am whining and that I need "to be a man" and "step up to the plate" and stop complaining. Why does the "Black" female get to complain about what the "Black" male isn't doing, but, I can't? Is that Justice? I am surrounded by "Black" females. I've attempted marriage two times with "Black" females and I am still in the second one (at the time of this writing, I have since separated/divorced her). I have two female offspring that I've attempted to be a father to. I have my "mother" whom I believe has done the best that she could do to be a mother to me in all areas, except one. She has never crossed over the line of "sisterhood" that I've seen "Black" females have with each other when it comes to teaching a "Black" male how to deal with them, until today.

Racist Propaganda tells the "Black" male that in order to consider himself a "Man", he must do work with his hands (roughneck / thug), instead of working with his mind ( nerd/ bougie/ uppity).

After, years of watching me get mistreated by the two "Black" females mentioned above, my "mom" finally admitted to the fact that she used her mouth against my "father" the majority of their attempted marriage. They argued so much that at age 7, I swore that I'd never get married. Yeah right, I really kept that promise.

The White Supremacists have taught huge numbers of "Black" males to use violence against other "Black" people, when they can no longer use words to defend themselves.

The White Supremacists have taught huge numbers of "Black" females to use words, instead. But more and more I am seeing "Black" females get physical. I was physically abused by this last one whom I was "married" to for 15 years. She would slap me, kick me, rip my clothes, knock things from my hands, all though while I am following the programming that says "Don't hit females." She took advantage of that numerous occasions.

They all do (indirectly most of the time) whatever they can to make my existence here, miserable, all the while I've done whatever they've asked me (within my ability) to do. Whenever she needs help, everyone (including me) comes to her aid. But, most of the time everyone looks at me as though they had to do my job with helping her because I fell short. When the "Black" male needs help, most people say "He's a man, he can help himself."

Because I am seen as a so-called "Man", I am supposed to automatically know how to do everything that the "White" man has the ability to do, but not get the respect that comes with it, because I lack the Racial Classification of "White". No one trusts what I say. I am required to go through extremes to prove what I've experienced. Most situations are like I am a criminal in a court of appeal, seen as guilty, while trying to prove my innocence.

No one sees that I possess both emotion and reason. When I state to her that she's mistreating me, I am too sensitive. If I'm feeling stressed because of it, but don't want to reveal the truth to her, for fear of being accused of being too sensitive, I am accused of not revealing my feelings, which is not sensitive enough. I am viewed as someone who is violent (especially towards females), angry (especially towards females), lies, cheats, and steals to get ahead, only because other "Black" males have done this, and so any kind of business that I conduct is viewed as though it will lead to one of those things.

If I own a weapon (knife or gun), many "Black" females hint that my owning a weapon is going to lead to violence against them, even though I've never used any violence against them. My first so-called wife, actually told people that I was going to kill her, after she watched O.J. get arrested on T.V. That was crazy. I gave her no indication that I would do such a thing. She lied to people that I had been to jail, and that she had to put up her house to bail me out. She told people that I would beat her constantly. She told people that I had cheated on her. She told people that she had to support me and our offspring. They believed her, without ever knowing me. Why? Because these are things that "Black" males are perceived to be doing.

Especially in the minds of huge numbers of "Black" females, who think that a "Black" male has to be "trained" by them, in order for him to behave in a correct manner.

When I discovered that she was having sexual intercourse with other "Black" males, during our "marriage" and I told some other people about it, I was to blame for it no matter what.

Many "Black" males told me that I wasn't "hitting it right", meaning that I was not fulfilling her sexual needs.

Many "Black" females told me that I wasn't "treating her right" meaning that I was not fulfilling her emotional needs.

Some "Black" males and females that knew her, tried to help me deal with her mistreatment, without letting her know that they were.

One "Black" female actually talked to her about her incorrect behavior towards me. One! It should have been all of the "Black" females that knew what she was doing, but they remained silent.

When I was active in the Nation of Islam, we (F.O.I.) aka "Black" males wouldn't hesitate to put pressure on other brothers (to the point of whooping their ass, when necessary) if they mistreated the (M.G.T.) aka "Black" female. Some of the M.G.T. did pressure a sister to "act right", sometimes, but, it wasn't enough, they didn't beat no ass.

Too many times I've allowed myself to be a garbage pale for the verbal and physical abuse that I've suffered from the "Black" female, and never laid one hand on her. The "Black" male holds in all of that stress with no way to release it, and it turns into disease. STRESS KILLS. And it kills "Black" males far more rapidly than it does the "Black" female. Why? she gets more help with dealing with her stress than the "Black" male does.

If the "Black" male and female get into a conflict with words? Who will win? If you said the "Black" male. Then stop reading here.

UPDATE 2019

I have since been divorced from the second "marriage" which was worse than the first one. She was verbally and physically abusive waaay more than the first. Huge numbers of "Black" males go through this kind of abuse and yet remain silent because of the embarrassment factor of revealing how "they let a female dominate them". But the main problem with that is that most of us are suffering through it and the more we remain silent about it the worse it will get.

For my lack of knowing what to do, when verbally and physically abused, my only alternative was to walk away but she would follow me or block the door to where I'd be forced to listen to her abusive words and my only defense was to respond with verbal abuse as well. Throwing my hands up in frustration and feeling like I am about to explode is where it could take me so I got to the point to where I would just tune her out with the hopes that one day she'd see that we are in this war together and that its US against the system of white supremacy.

But she never did accept that idea. While in a custody dispute over my son, she attempted to get full custody by telling the court that I was crazy because I made videos on YouTube about White Supremacy. You could hear the laughter and snickering in the minds of almost everyone in the courthouse only noticeable by a smile and head shaking from the judges bench to the edges of the courtroom. Oops I digressed.

While still in the "marriage", I attempted to handle the abusive situations with compensatory conversation control, which is to not respond to statements and only ask questions. That worked briefly but the emotions were too overwhelming for me. I couldn't help but respond back with verbal abuse in my defense. I see where I made my mistakes. I have absolutely nothing against the "Black" female and everything against her behavior that is characteristically pointed out in The Black Man's Guide To Understanding The Black Woman by Shahrazad Ali.

"Sometimes the Black man grows to respond to everything she says in a harsh rebuttal tone. He becomes accustomed to the rough talk and uses it as frequently as she. This is wrong. It only convinces the Black woman that he can't handle her so he has joined her. She will drag him under the earth if he allows it. When a Black man falls for a Black woman and begins to demonstrate that he loves her more than he loves himself, she recognizes this as a ripe stage for her to really let it rip. The more he professes his love the worse she will treat him. The more he tries to give her the more she will demand." The more he tries to please her the more critical she is of his efforts."

Those words described both of my "marriages" to "Black" females and the relationships that I had with others whom I didn't get the "White" man's permission ("marriage" license) to "marry".

Growing up in the bay area (born 1968 in Oakland, raised in Richmond) during the Black Power movement and having been surrounded by people who taught me from day one to respect and protect the Black woman. Having been taught to love her and cherish her. Be nice and courteous to her with the belief that we had a war to fight with the system and not each other was a huge surprise when I met these two females who deceived me into believing that they too had grown up apart of this same movement. I no longer believe that "marriage" is possible while under the system of white supremacy. I no longer believe that there is such a thing as "Romantic love" while under the system of white supremacy. The root word to "Romance" is "Roman" which shows you were this type of belief comes from. More on that another time.


I have heard huge numbers of females say "I want a man who can handle me." What since does that make?

Are you some out of control beast? That needs to be whooped into submission? How about an independent free spirited person that needs to be abused until you submit?


Sounds like a master/ slave relationship to me.


What person in their correct mind would want to spend time trying to "handle" someone else?

What person who wants themselves and their people to be FREE wants to dominate their female companion into being "handled"?

If you THINK you need to be "handled" what does that say about your mental state?

I understand now that "handling" means to not tolerate your mistreatment but its backwards because now if you mistreat me from the start you lose because you only get that one chance. I heard Mr. Fuller say that if anyone hits you, you need to get away from them, and stay away from them. I now agree with that. And so more power to those of you who have had the self respect to do the same.

I have now learned to let go of the subservient abusive sponge I allowed myself to be because I felt sympathy for the "Black" female. It's time that I feel sympathy for my self and empathize with my own consciousness and protect it at all cost from outsiders until the system of white supremacy is replaced with justice.

As much as I want to trust her, I see that I cannot.

Call me bitter because I have given far too much sweet and got bitterness in return.

LOL!! I am not bitter, I have only found self respect. But far too many who don't know the difference will call me bitter.

My self-respect has caused me to believe I must have a set of rules, regulations, limitations, and boundary lines.

A code that I must have whenever dealing with "Non-white" females in a system of white supremacy.

I think I will start by following the suggestions in the United Independent Compensatory Code in the area of sex just to see what happens.