On Sun 6/20/10, I was a guest on the C.O.W.S. Radio show. I was asked to talk about, what was referred to as a "Tragic Arrangement". I was told that a Tragic Arrangement is when a "non-white" person and a "white" person associate with each other for the purpose of having sexual intercourse. Under a system of Racism (White Supremacy), this kind of relationship is a Tragic Arrangement. Let me explain. My memory takes me back to when I was 5 years old, and even to 3 years (in some instances). I saw a lot of programming (television and films). Every program that I saw presented images of "white" people showing affection for each other. I saw images of "white" females behaving in a manner that made them appear as though they were perfect.The first "white" person on t.v. that I was attracted to, was Shirley Temple. I didn't think that I was "black". I knew that my skin was brown, but, it had not clicked to me that the color of my skin made a significant difference between us (in fact it only makes a difference because of Racism / White Supremacy). Thinking that she was the same age or close to my age, I imagined that she would be my girlfriend someday. Then one day my mother told me that Shirley Temple was already an adult by the time that she (my mom) was 8 years old and had started watching her in the movies. I was devastated. It was also at this time that both of my folks told me about the roles that Black people were limited to playing in her movies because of Racism (White Supremacy). I still wanted to be with her regardless...
New edition added on 5/1/11 :
Anyway, I remember seeing her with Mr. Bojangles and thinking "wow, she likes Black people" and at the same time disliking him for being an "Uncle Tom" and / or "Sell-out":
The Code on "Selling out"-
There was this feeling as though the "White" woman would provide me with nourishment or something ( I could hear the cow bells ringing as though I were on Gus' show, right now).
Throw in Jody Foster, Tatum O'Neal, Linda Blair, and Kristy McNichol, as the other little ones that I that were my age. Then adult "white" women like Brooke Shields, Kate Jackson, Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd, Lindsey Wagner, Angie Dickenson, Raquel Welch, the list goes on. They were on shows with titles like "Charlie's Angels", "Police Woman", "Wonder Woman", "Bionic Woman", etc. "White" was right. There were very few "non-white" females on t.v. back then. Any that were on t.v. were perceived as "unattractive". Although, there was Denise Nichols.
At this stage in my existence, there were three "white" girls within my habitat,one stayed next door, another stayed across the street, and then there was Heidi at my daycare. Heidi was the most interesting (at that time) of the three because we ( I think that she showed me how) "played house" and "doctor" a lot. I wanted to do the same with the other two, but they had dolls to act out with. BARBIE DOLLS! The first dolls I ever saw Barbie and Ken. I always used the Ken doll. Barbie had a house, car, clothes, and lots and lots of shoes. Ken had a lot of things too. Anyway, I liked playing with the Ken doll. My attempted parents noticed that I liked dolls, and started buying G.I. Joe, Star Trek, Planet of the Apes, Superman, Batman, Capt. Kirk, the Six-Million Dollar Man, and some other dolls that I had. Many times I'd forget the dolls and just pretend to be them. All of them considered to be "white" men. And most of the time the "white" kids didn't hesitate to let me know that I was only pretending to be them. Sometimes they'd tell me that I can't be any of these characters because I was "black". All of the leading "white" men in what ever program that I watched, I wanted to be like. Those men where usually tasked to save the "white / innocent / pure / angelic / princess / damsel in distress". I suspect that many "non-white" females wanted to be like the "white" women in such programs as well. Anyway, I always found a need to please the "white" girls that I was around, with the hopes that they would choose me to be their mate. Man, it's amazing how much of my memory is coming back as I write this post. I was attracted to a lot of "white" females in film, television, and in person. I still find myself attracted to lighter skinned (presumably classified as "white") females. I can remember feeling a deep need to "save" them, not realizing that in comparison to myself, I was the one who needed the most help. I am sure that everyone will agree that "white" women have no problem getting any help from anyone, when they need it.
For me, I thought (subconsciously) that as long as any attractive "white" women or any attractive "non-white" females (with skin lighter than my own) thought that I was attractive, it was enough to make me feel like I was an attractive "non-white" male. It meant that I was accepted. It's still a feeling that I wrestle with today. I still have this tremendous urge to not let my skin color determine how I function in this system. The truth is that my skin is no more important than any other part of my body. The deception is that under the system of Racism (White Supremacy) it is the number one cause for all of my problems. My skin always gets in the way, but, now most people want to pretend as though they are not thinking about it, while they are still thinking about it. For me as an individual it's also my eyes (that's another story).
2 comments: